9 years

9 years. That's how long I've been married today. Yup....9 years. What do I have to show for it? Interesting question. I could be bitter and say nothing. But in reality, that's not true. I may have a lousy, non existent marriage. To say the least, we aren't divorced, but we surely aren't "happily married" as the term goes. But, I do have lots to show for the last 9 years of my life. The two most important being my children---my beautiful, energetic, grab-life-by-the horns children. =) And then there is all the wealth of stuff I've learned. Ahh, yes, knowledge--some gathered by instruction...some gathered by the school of hard knocks. (I have found that the school of instruction tends to be less painful than the school of hard knocks. ;) ) And so begins what I thought I would write about .....what I have learned over the last 9 years or so.
*Life can be easy and it can be hard....it's what you do with it that counts. Not what life does to you.
*children will copy what they see modeled...the good and the bad. (Joshua learned to yell when frustrated before...(thanks to his mommy) but has since learned in the last year that we breathe when we begin to feel frustrated instead of yelling) (both have learned that Jesus is always with us...whew some good modeling and not so good)
*the day you get married is one of the happiest days of your life and you truly think that marriage is something you can handle for all the rest of your life....until life happens, the honeymoon wears off, and the man you married turns out to be so not what you thought you married. And you think "What have I done??" then, then...you find out what kind of person you really are because of how you choose to handle it. this is not such an easy lesson (i.e. lesson of the school of hard knocks.)
*Life is full of changes...literally. You get married...change. You adjust to that (hopefully) and you have a kid....change. You finally get a handle on those and then you have another kid...more change. You get a handle on those and the kids keep growing which means they keep changing....so more change. So...you can either adapt with life of recoil from life.....you get to choose.
*I've learned that by "not making a choice" and staying "neutral" is by definition making a choice.
*No one in life will take care of you. some may try...but really only you can take care of you. And even at that, we tend to not do a very good job at it.
*The only one in life who is constant, never-changing, always dependable, unwavering in love, and reliable is God. the rest of us are human.
*I've learned that all the things I wish I could do for myself and couldn't do...God does for me. Like overcome my craziness and find peace in the storm. I tried to myself and my world continued to spin out of control. the tighter I held on, the more out of control it went. finally, when I really learned to let go and let God, then peace began to enter my life. who knew that letting go could be so freeing? I finally did.
*People let us down. We let people down. God will never let me down.
*I've learned to not give my sense of value and who I am into the "safe-keeping" of others. It's my responsibility...not theirs. Who I am is not defined by someone else....it's defined by God and who He says I am .....and by the choices I make.
*I've learned that I am beautiful...as vain as that sounds...I'm beautiful and special and valuable....and that is great to know. =)
*I've learned that I can't fix the world or its problems...I need to fix myself. and at times even then I need God's help to do that.
*I've learned that it's okay to ask God to help us fix ourselves.

I've learned a lot. And I can truly say that I am thankful for these lessons. Now maybe it would be nice to learn some lessons in better ways...but still the same...I've learned them. and I will continue to learn and grow....for this is what life is about.

I should add something else. Today is my anniversary. and I find that I am a little sad. but it's not that bad...life that is. I am sad at what was lost, of what I had a long long time ago, but I know that I'm okay and that it will be okay. I hope that makes sense. I know that I have done the best I could, some times I did better than at other times. But I will face forward and I choose to live life on life's terms.

So today is bittersweet. But tomorrow is another day....and that's a good thing.

Good night. God bless.